Healing the Inner Child
Most people who become abusive were harmed in childhood. The pain hardened. There is a powerful exercise: picture your younger self. Imagine your adult self kneeling, pulling that child close: “I’ve got you. We’re going to be okay.”
Every person was once a child made in the image of something good. Abuse buries that image. Healing means digging it out—for victims and, separately, for abusers. But that work is theirs, not yours.
It is never your job to wait for an abuser to heal.
The Signs
Saying sorry too often.
Trained into you by someone who made you believe your existence is an inconvenience.
Avoiding eye contact.
You learned invisibility because being seen meant being targeted.
Uncontrollable crying or anger.
Your nervous system forgot how to stand down.
Flinching at sudden movement.
Your body remembers what your words may not.
Difficulty saying what you want.
You were trained that having preferences was dangerous.
When emotion hits: feet flat, palms on thighs. Say: “I am safe right now. This feeling is real, but the danger is not here.”
The Cycle of Abuse
Tension Building. Eggshells. Monitoring yourself. Feeling the storm approach.
The Incident. Physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual harm.
Love Bombing. Apologies. Flowers. Tears. The charming version returns.
Calm. Things seem fine. Then the tension starts again.
Name the stage you are in: “This is tension building. I know what comes next.” Naming gives your reasoning brain a chance to override the pull.